Dear Abby

Drew has taken to writing to hack newspaper advice columnists to badmouth me:

My boyfriend, "Scott," and I are writers, although we both have day jobs. During the two years we've been together, we have always supported each other's writing careers.

Things changed after my first novel was published. While initially congratulatory, Scott's behavior was different as the publication date neared. He declined to help my friend throw me a party. When I spotted my book on the shelf of a bookstore for the first time, he chided me to keep my voice down. My novel has now been out for months, but he still hasn't read it. (I gave him one of my free copies.)

Scott is a talented writer. He has been published in literary magazines, but hasn't yet published a book. I sympathize with his jealousy and have tried to keep talk of my novel to a minimum. But I'm troubled by Scott's refusal to participate in this exciting period of my life ... Abby, what gives?

What Drew leaves out is that I'm not her boyfriend or even actually a boy, and that photocopying a long account of her extraordinarily boring loss-of-virginity story doesn't count as publishing a novel.