Friday, August 15, 2008

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Monday, August 11, 2008

Oh Gross

Someone actually hired Drew. She's going to be blogging for Jossip now. Sorry Jossip! Hope you have insurance! Bitch insurance.

Drew's bio is depressing:

You can occasionally find me updating my other blogs with non-media gossip at Videodrew, and Dopplehaters, which I edit with my friend Alli.


Drew is an Optimist

Hey Drew, at least you're the best dumb bitch ever.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Death to Drew

With this I will beat a thousand Drews.

This is basically our relationship

Which one is which though?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Alli has 911 on speed dial

Alli, stop calling 911 to ask for the phone-number to McDonalds. McDonalds doesn't have a phone.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Alli is in the Jane Austen book club!

I'm almost positive Alli read Maureen Dowd's op-ed this Sunday and was confused because she didn't think Mr. Darcy was black (she has seen Bridget Jones Diary about a billion times and is almost positive of this).
Never the less:
Like the leading man of Jane Austen and Bridget Jones, Obama can, as Austen wrote, draw “the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien. ...he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud, to be above his company, and above being pleased.”

The master of Pemberley “had yet to learn to be laught at,” and this sometimes caused “a deeper shade of hauteur” to “overspread his features.”

The New Hampshire debate incident in which Obama condescendingly said, “You’re likable enough, Hillary,” was reminiscent of that early scene in “Pride and Prejudice” when Darcy coldly refuses to dance with Elizabeth Bennet, noting, “She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

Ugh, there is nothing sadder than a Jane Austen fan that bills herself as a feminist but then secretly fantasizes about "Taming of the Shrew"(10 Things I Hate about you) and Pride and Prejudice . If you want a guy to yell at you, fine. But don't pretend like being snubbed by Colin Firth or Barack Obama makes you some sort of modern woman.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Alli, stop relying on Oprah for all your transportation needs

The totally sad thing was that Alli has been in the audience of almost every Oprah show since 2001 (she takes all her from her as well) but she was sick on free car day.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Drew: Friend Poacher

Drew is many levels of heinous--I've made that abundantly clear. But what I've not mentioned is that Drew is a horrible friend poacher.

My best pal was visiting me a few months ago, sleeping on my ultra-comfortable couch as I lounged in my lumpy and unwelcoming bed. I woke to find her TALKING TO DREW ON THE PHONE.

Which is gross, first of all, because Drew has a very shrill voice that no one should have to listen to first thing in the morning.

But what makes it worse is that not only does Drew ruin lives and steal friends, she is also boring.

An excerpt:

Drew: Guess what I ate today?
Friend: I don't know, what?
Drew: You're fat and ugly, and you should keep a food diary, too. I ate one apple.
Friend: You think I'm fat and ugly?
Friend: I mean, uh I'm sorry? What else happened to you today?
Drew: Didn't you hear I ate a motherfucking apple? Don't you understand how important that is? It means I'm keeping on my diet and also that I'm supporting the economy of upstate New York.
Friend: Right, sorry, you ate an apple! Way to go, Drew!
Drew: Bee Tee Dubs, I also had sex with your boyfriend.
Friend: Wait what?!
Drew: Maybe if you weren't so fat and ugly and such a bitch all the time who only thinks about herself, he wouldn't have had to look somewhere else.
Drew: Also, he said you were bad in bed.
Drew: Are you going to the show tonight? I'm on the list because I had sex with that guy in the band and he still totally wants to bone me, but I couldn't get you on, so you're going to have to pay the $20. Sorry!